ENM and polyamory glossary

Published 28 September 2026

Ethical non-monogamy has its own vocabulary, and nobody is born knowing it. Here are 44 words you will hear in poly communities, on dating apps and at meetups, each explained in a sentence or two.

Language shifts between communities, countries and people. If someone uses a word differently from how it is described here, they are not wrong. Ask what it means to them. That question alone will take you a long way in ENM.

Jump to: Compersion · Hierarchy · Kitchen-table polyamory · Metamour · Polycule · Unicorn · Unicorn hunting · Veto

Agreements

The things partners decide together about how their relationships work, such as how you share news, safer sex practices or time together. Many people prefer the word to “rules”, because agreements can be revisited and everyone affected gets a say.

Ambiamorous

Someone who can be happy in either monogamous or non-monogamous relationships, depending on the people and the situation.

Anchor partner

A partner who offers a steady base, often through shared life, history or commitment, without being ranked above anyone else. Some people use it as a softer alternative to “primary”.

Boundaries

Limits about your own body, time, feelings and information. A boundary describes what you will do (“I leave if I feel pressured”), while a rule tries to control what someone else does. Knowing the difference makes conversations easier.

Check-in

A planned conversation where partners talk about how things are going. Short, regular check-ins stop small worries from growing into big ones.

Comet

A partner you see now and then, sometimes after long gaps, with the same warmth each time. The relationship comes back around, like a comet.

Compersion

Feeling happy because a partner is happy with someone else. It is often described as the opposite of jealousy, although plenty of people feel both at once, and that is normal.

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM)

Another name for ethical non-monogamy, common in research. It puts the focus on consent.

Couple privilege

The advantages an established couple can have when dating new people, often without noticing: a shared home, social recognition, or the power to set rules a newer partner never agreed to. Naming it is the first step to balancing it.

DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell)

An arrangement where partners agree to see other people without sharing details. It works for some; others find it gets in the way of honesty and safer sex conversations.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM)

Any relationship style where people have more than one romantic or sexual connection, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The consent is what separates it from cheating.

Fluid bonding

An agreement between partners to stop using barriers with each other. It is a personal decision that usually comes with conversations about testing and about what it means for other partners.

Garden-party polyamory

A middle ground between kitchen-table and parallel poly. Metamours are friendly and happy to share a birthday party or a big occasion, without necessarily being close.

Hierarchy

A structure where some relationships have more priority than others, for example in decisions, time or future plans. Being open about hierarchy helps new partners know what they are agreeing to.

Hinge

The person in the middle of a V, dating two people who are not dating each other. Hinges often carry a lot of the communication, so it helps when metamours share some of it.

Jealousy

A feeling, not a verdict. In ENM it is usually treated as information about a need, such as reassurance, time or attention, that can be talked about and met.

Kink-friendly

Open to, or welcoming of, people who enjoy consensual kink. Plenty of ENM spaces are kink-friendly and plenty are not, so it is worth checking an event’s description.

Kitchen-table polyamory

A style where everyone in the network is comfortable enough to sit around the kitchen table together over coffee or a meal. It does not mean everyone dates each other, only that they get along.

Metamour

Your partner’s partner. You are not dating your metamour, but you share someone you both care about.

Mono/poly relationship

A relationship where one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous. It can work well with clear agreements and real care for the monogamous partner’s needs.

Monogamish

Mostly monogamous, with some agreed exceptions, such as the occasional flirtation or play together at a party.

Nesting partner

A partner you live with. Nesting describes a household, not a rank: some people nest with one partner and treat all their relationships as equals.

Non-hierarchical polyamory

A style where no relationship automatically outranks another. People still make commitments; they come from each relationship rather than from a ranking.

NRE (new relationship energy)

The giddy rush at the start of a relationship. It is lovely, and it can make people forget their existing partners’ needs, so many poly folks plan for it.

Open relationship

Usually a couple who agree they can have sexual or romantic connections with other people. The term is often used when the focus is outside dating or sex rather than several committed relationships.

Opening up

Moving from a monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous one. It is usually a series of conversations over time, not one big decision. See our guide on how to talk about opening your relationship.

ORE (old or ongoing relationship energy)

The steady, comfortable feeling of a long relationship. Less dizzy than NRE, and just as valuable.

Parallel polyamory

A style where partners know about each other’s relationships but metamours have little or no contact. It suits people who prefer privacy or separate lives.

Polyamory

Having, or being open to, more than one loving relationship at a time, with everyone’s knowledge and consent. The word mixes Greek poly (many) and Latin amor (love).

Polycule

The whole network of people connected through romantic or sexual relationships. Some are tiny; some need a whiteboard.

Polysaturated

Not having the time or energy for any more partners right now. Saying so is kind, both to current partners and to anyone who asks you out.

Primary and secondary

Labels used in hierarchical polyamory. A primary partner usually shares more of daily life and decision making; a secondary relationship is less entangled. Some people find the labels useful; others avoid them.

Quad

Four people in a relationship, often two couples who date each other.

Relationship anarchy (RA)

An approach where each relationship is shaped by the people in it, without ranking or preset categories. Relationship anarchists often give friendships the same care as romance.

Relationship escalator

The default script of dating, becoming exclusive, moving in and marrying. Many ENM people step off it, or ride it only partway, by choice.

Solo polyamory

Being polyamorous without a primary or nesting partner, and often without wanting one. Solo poly people treat themselves as their own anchor.

Swinging

A form of ENM, usually among couples, focused on recreational sex with others, often at parties, clubs or events. Also called “the lifestyle”.

Telemetamour

Your metamour’s other partner. Two steps away on the polycule map.

Throuple

Another word for a triad.

Triad

Three people in a relationship where each person is involved with the other two. A closed triad does not date outside the three; an open triad does.

Unicorn

A person, often a bisexual woman, who dates a couple together. The name comes from how rare this is said to be. Plenty of people enjoy dating this way; what matters is being treated as a whole person with their own needs, not a fantasy.

Unicorn hunting

When a couple looks for a third person to date them both. It gets a bad reputation when the third is handed rules they had no say in, such as loving both partners equally or leaving if the couple asks. Couples who stay honest and flexible tend to have much better experiences.

V (vee)

Three people where one person, the hinge, dates two people who are not dating each other. Drawn out, it looks like the letter V.

Veto

An agreement that lets one partner ask another to end a relationship. It is debated: it can reassure a nervous couple, and it can leave a newer partner with little say. If you use one, tell new partners up front.

Putting the words to work

Knowing the vocabulary is useful, but the real skill is using it to say what you want. “I’m solo poly and I’d love a comet-style connection” tells a potential partner far more than “open to anything”. The same goes for couples: saying you are non-hierarchical, or that you have a veto, helps people decide whether your setup suits them before anyone gets hurt.

Blend was built around this kind of honesty. Profiles show relationship structure, what you are looking for and your boundaries, not only photos. You can link your partners with their consent and create couple and group profiles you manage together, so your polycule is visible to matches instead of explained from scratch in every chat.